Holiday Warfare :: Personal Narrative, Autobiographical Essay

Holiday Warfare   Brave work force of war defecate faced adversities both physical and mental and come up above them as just nowter from cream. Chivalry and conquest have carried passs from punt to pole and across the seven seas. Hardships of campaign spiritedness are legendary, and the straighten out men these trials created go down in history as examples to each(prenominal) mankind.   I have faced battle under duress and have learned I am not a brave man. Shell-shock is part defined as a psycho neurotic condition homogeneous to hysteria. To this day I am saddled with the memories of the day I was direct to battle in my Grandmothers kitchen. No man should have to endure these conditions. Women can, with impunity, clothe foot in the estrogenically charged atmosphere of Grandmothers kitchen on Thanksgiving daytime greater men than I, however, have been broken this way. Men of the world fetch heed, only the insanely brave or exceedingly foolish would necessitate to accept this near-suicide mission. Counting myself as the latter, I offer my tale as counsel.   The day was overcast, cold and thoroughly November. I answered the call to arms with the bore-hole sincerity of a private fresh from basic training. My Grandfather wept openly, fearing for my life as I bade him farewell. I entered a young soldier brimming with bravado I returned a troubled man with bruised ego, clutching hard-won sapience to my breast.   The fact that women are vastly better equipped for a culinary tete-a-tete with Grandmother should have been apparent to me after the opening salvo, but I was too green, too untested and shiny, to heed.   Have you seen your cousin Georges new haircut yet, Denny? asked Granny. Shot number one had been fired, and I did not even uplift the air-raid sirens.   Yeah, I like it, I answered with none of the suspicion that has dogged me at holidays since my tour of duty.   It makes him look like a porcupine, chimed in my Aunt Molly, justly answering the subtle part of the question and putting any doubts or so the spike haircut and its social value to rest.   Uncle Dwights been smoking again, Granny mentioned tersely.